APPROVED

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Hey guys –
Sorry I’ve really been slacking on this lately. Life has been crazy and I’m battling a little bout of super crankiness. The end of last month I had a consultation with my surgeon, Dr. White regarding skin removal on my abdomen. This is the same surgeon that did my gastric bypass, removed my gallbladder (during the same surgery time frame), and in March fixed my internal hernia – at this point I trust the guy with everything I have AND I feel I should probably have some sort of preferred customer discount card ha! ๐Ÿ˜‰

Anyway, he examined the excess skin, explained the incisions, risks, and all that stuff. He said it really depended on the person’s mood that day on approvals but I’d hear something in 2-4 weeks. The nurse had me put on a bariatric gown which was mildly amusing as it was so very big on me (YAY), as well as these generic black cotton-ish panties this way every patient is seen in the same thing for insurance pictures. She then got this little paper ruler and proceeded to stick it in various folds of excess skin and snap photos. The nurse is such a lovely, kind hearted person but oh man this did not help my self esteem at all. She did however say, I can’t imagine why you wouldn’t be approved, so that was a bit of a relief.

Before leaving I agreed to talk at an upcoming informational seminar the office hosts for those interested in weight loss surgery. I’m not a great public speaker but this saved my life so I’m definitely willing to talk to those that are interested. While my journey, as many people, hasn’t always been easy this is something I’m more than willing to share about. After agreeing to that I went on my merry way into work.

I emailed one of my bosses as well as the HR lady just to see what my options are in case I got approved. I didn’t want to call the day before and be like oh yeah I need the next four weeks off. That’s just not my style. I emphasized that it all depended on insurance approval but I just wanted to get the conversations started.

A week later I’m sitting at my desk, typing away when my cell phone rings, the number looks semi-familiar so I answer it. It was the surgery scheduler calling saying she had my insurance approval. Say what? Really?!? I had to have some conversations with my bosses regarding when would be the best time to schedule surgery because I didn’t want to screw either department over (I split my time between administration duties and purchasing), once we had it figured out I was able to schedule surgery. It’s going to be in late August which gives me time to save up, mentally prepare, and really focus on healthy eating, exercising and just being the healthiest, strongest version of myself before this procedure.

I am SO excited and feel incredibly blessed regarding it. I never imagined my insurance would approve the panniculectomy. I’m also super scared, it’s a major surgery that takes a long time to recover. I know it’ll be worth it but it’s still not without a little fear. I told LR I want him there before I go back to surgery then he can come back after work since hospitals aren’t the most fun to be at lol.

So that’s where I am, getting back on the wagon and really figuring this thing out. I’m ready to focus on strength training and becoming the best version of myself that I can be.

Weigh In

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April 9, 2017
Current: 225.8
No change.

Well at least I didn’t gain, so there’s that, right? I had my follow-up appointment post hernia surgery, everything is healing well and it should never return. The physician’s assistant prescribed me some powder for some skin issues around my belly button. That led to a conversation about a panniculectomy, so now I have consultation with my gastric bypass surgeon (who also removed my gallbladder and fixed my internal hernia) on the 27th about skin removal.

Honestly I don’t think my abdomen is deflated enough. I can’t even get out of the 220s, am I really a candidate for this? There’s a lot of pros/cons running through my mind as well as a million other thoughts regarding this. It’s super scary for me. Is it smart to do this before having kids? What about all the time off of work? What’s the recovery process going to be like? I guess at this point all I can do is have the consultation and go from there.

Also, guys, I don’t know if I’m legit going to be able to run this 5k. I’m TRYING. But running kills my abdomen, all of this skin flopping around even wearing compression tanks isn’t helping (also they ride up which is SUPER ANNOYING). I’m so frustrated with myself, I’m trying to turn that frustration into motivation but it leads to a lot of tears. I have no idea what I’m going to do. I just wanted to run a damned 5k.

Helllooooo April!

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Hey guys! I know it’s been a while since I’ve updated but life was insane/I wasn’t in a great head space, which granted is probably when I should have been blogging the most. However I’m back, doing better mentally and it feels good to be chatting away to all of you reading this. Let’s catch up!

Non-weight loss related: My job offered me a full time position, I absolutely accepted! So now I split my time between administration work and purchasing. I’m really enjoying it and it makes my days fly by. Although I think the biggest challenge is finding/figuring out that work/life balance.

LR and I are back together, like all relationships there is stuff to work on. I know for me personally I have to work on my communication and stop holding everything in. But he makes my heart and soul so very happy. We just seem to fit. Plus he pushes me to be a better person and want to be a better woman.

Non-scale victories: I bought size 12 jeans (and they fit)! TWELVE. My tops are running about a size 10. Who am I?! Clothes are weird though. I still go to the biggest size and there are definitely days where I still feel/think I’m still 400 pounds. Also on a side note, I’m semi-dreading the hot weather because I’m so embarrassed by my upper arms – I swear one day they’re going to suffocate me in my sleep.

Signed up to run my first 5k. Like legit run. Okay well maybe wog? (walk/jog) I just don’t want to come in last. I know it’s probably a stupid goal but let’s be real, I’m still over 200 pounds there’s no way I’m doing this thing in like 15-20 minutes. I just don’t want to be last. LR and I went running after work last week Tuesday and oh man did I get inside my own head. I can literally walk for miles and feel amazing…running nope.I thought I’d be able to run farther than I actually could. So very frustrated with myself. After some tears and anger with myself and LR talking some sense into me and he kept lovingly pushing me I kept going.

Weight-lossy stuff: Now with my schedule I’ve started weighing in on Sunday mornings, I’ll definitely get back into the rhythm of blogging about it regularly. I’ll get to my weigh-in for today in a bit.

March 16th, all day at work I felt just super off, my stomach felt heavy, I felt gross, tired, just weird. I got home from work, ate maybe 1/4 cup of food but then went and laid in bed. I was having this horrific pain in my stomach that went straight through my body to my back. Around 9:30pm I finally decided to eat a little something, unfortunately it didn’t stay down and neither did any of the water I tried to sip. I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t get comfortable and apparently I looked terrible. I emailed my bosses around 5am on the 17th letting them know I was going to contact my doctor’s office as soon as they opened at 8am and was hoping to be in later because I was fairly sure I had an ulcer.

8am hit, I was on the phone calling my gastric bypass surgeon’s office, talked with the amazing nurse that asked a bunch of questions, took notes on all of my symptoms, said that she would call Dr. White, my surgeon, since he was in surgeries all day and once she head back from him would call me back. Around noon I was about to keep down some chicken noodle soup and the nurse called me around 1pm. The doctor wanted me to go to the Toledo Hospital for a CT scan. Listen, I tried to get out of going. I attempted reasoning with the nurse, I kept down soup! She said just go get checked out, as soon as we hang up I’m calling the hospital and telling them you’re on the way. Drats.

My mom came with me as I went into the ER, telling them Dr. White had me coming in for a CT scan. I saw the actual emergency room doctor once and very briefly once he heard my reasoning for being there. I had blood work done, was given some meds to help calm down my stomach, had the CT scan and about 30-40 minutes later Dr. White popped in (between surgeries) saying there was some air in my abdomen, but he was 99% sure it was an internal hernia. He wanted to do a laparoscopic procedure to see if that is what is was and if it was he’d fix it while he was in there; and that he’d see me in the operating room.

Wait, what? I had a stomach ache? What just happened? I was hooked up to an IV (apparently I was a bit dehydrated) and moved up to the pre-op waiting area. My mom waited with me, my sister came immediately from work, LR drove from work through freezing rain to be there too. I called/texted my bosses letting them know I was having emergency hernia surgery that night but that’s really all I knew at that point. Crazy right? The surgery before mine ran long and since I was literally the last patient in pre-op they moved me to the recovery area to wait. So my mom and sister went to the surgery waiting room while LR hung out with me and helped keep me calm. It was probably around 8:30pm when I was wheeled into the operating room. They asked if I was given any relaxation medication, no. Do you…YES!!…want some? That’s the last thing I remember until waking up in recovery.

Nurse: How do you feel? Me: Like I’ve been kicked by a horse. Nurse: Well let’s get you some meds for that!! I vaguely remember them asking if I wanted my husband (LR, also not my husband lol) then I was in my hospital room with my family. Once I was settled in my mom and sister went home home LR stayed with me that night. Dr White was right, I had an internal hernia, he was able to repair it and I felt SO much better, other than the horrible gas pains along my collar bones.

Apparently an internal hernia can be pretty common after losing so much weight and if that’s my only “complication” 2 years out I’ll happily accept it. I was discharged Saturday afternoon with no restrictions other than “taking it easy on my diet.” I went back to work on Monday, definitely felt fatigued most of that week and really now I’m starting to feel “normal.”

Honestly though I feel super lucky and blessed that I have such an amazing surgeon, nurse, team, family, friends, and boyfriend that listened to my concerns and took such great care of me. Here’s the point of this super lengthy post – Listen to your body friends. If something doesn’t feel right get it checked out immediately. Don’t overlook the small things even if you’re starting to feel better.

Now onto the weigh in:

April 2, 2017
Current weight: 225.8

Goals: Gym 5 x a week and/or workouts in the park

Track food/water

Measure everything and meal prep as much as possible

Prepare for this 5k (which is May 20) as much as I possibly can

Weigh In

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1/9/17
Current: 223.4
Loss: -6.8

Well hello friend! I’m pretty excited about this loss to be honest. It’s been a crazy week/weekend – I’m sure trudging through Ikea definitely helped. I need to stop by Planet Fitness either today or tomorrow to get my key tag and all that jazz set up so I can actually start using the gym.

24.4 pounds to my first little goal of seeing 199. ๐Ÿ™‚

Have a great week!

Weigh In

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1/2/17
Current: 230.2
Loss: -0.4

Well it’s something. Just means I can’t give up. I’ve set my goals and now it’s time to crush them. I hope whatever goals you have set for yourself that you’re on the way to crushing them as well

Happy 2017, let’s do this!

Happy New Year!

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2017 is here, finally. I feel as though 2016 was literally one of the best and most painful years I’ve endured in a really long time. I don’t know what all 2017 holds as there are a lot of things that need to be worked through but it’s a fresh start.

I decided that this year I’m not making resolutions but rather goals. I find goals to be much more fluid and adjustable. I can tweak as needed and just re-evaluate as I go. For me, I feel this is going to work better than something seemingly as strict as a resolution. So I know I posted this in my last weigh-in but I’m going to put it in this one too –
GOALS
Drop 32 pounds by April-ish
Workout at least 5 days a week
Protein shake every morning for breakfast
Measure what Iโ€™m eating
Water, water, water
Cutting back as much as possible on Starbucks (itโ€™ll save my bank account too)

Since today is the first of the month I’ve weighed in (but my “regular” weigh in will be tomorrow like normal), I’ll take pictures and do measurements. I’m going to keep this up on the first of every month.

I have my two-year post op appointment this coming Thursday. I’m not really thrilled where I’m at but I’m also proud of how far I’ve come. I’m not stopping yet.

Happy 2017!

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12/16/16
Current: 230.6

Hmm maybe I should have weighed in yesterday morning instead of today? I’ve gone up 8 pounds in the last 3 weeks, to say I’m disappointed in myself is definitely an understatement. I don’t want to keep starting over. I’m tired of starting over.

I have my 2 year post-op appointment on January 5th, I’m going to talk to the physician’s assistant (that’s who I’ll see not the surgeon) about feeling like I can eat more than a cup and things not causing me to dump. I don’t know what, if anything, can be done but I figure I can bring it to his attention and see what the suggestions are.

I’m not ready to give up this fight. I’ve been debating between two gyms but I think I’m just going to go back to Planet Fitness, it’s so close, can’t beat the hours, or the price. I really think working out will help me with this mental funk I’m in too. It definitely can’t hurt, right?

So re-adjustment to the goal(s):
Drop 32 pounds by April-ish
Protein shake every morning for breakfast
Measure what I’m eating
Water, water, water
Cutting back as much as possible on Starbucks (it’ll save my bank account too)

We can do this!

Weigh In

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12/5/16
Current: 221.8
Loss:-4.8

WHOA! I didn’t see that coming at all. Honestly whenever I get on the scale I just want it to be lower than the week before even if it’s just a little bit. As you know I’ve been mega struggling lately. MEGA. However December 1st, I took new photos, measurements, and weighed in to put in my tracker binder. I’m going to start doing that the first of every month. I have cut out fast food, started tracking my calories again, and I’m looking to re-join a gym. I’m also going to start meal planning, stop taking snacks to work, and measuring everything out. I emailed the nutritionist at my bariatric surgeon’s office who said it should be no more than 1 cup of food for the rest of my life with most of that being lean protein and 1,200 to 1,500 calories a day, as few starches as possible.

So I’m doing this, back on the wagon, back on track. I’ve dusted myself off and I’m going to keep moving forward.

My next mini goal to see 199!

Let’s do this!

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11/28/16
Current: 226.6

Sorry I’ve been gone for a while friends. I’ve been battling through a lot of junk – the breakup, my uncle’s passing, the passing of a friend that also had bariatric surgery (she did not pass from it or anything associated with it), stressing over finances, and more. Obviously I gained since my last weigh in but I’m just starting fresh. I have to, I have to keep fighting through all the crap. I have to keep fighting for myself, for my friend that passed, for everything.

It’s not easy no matter how you decide to lose weight, we all know this WAY too well. Does starting over suck? You bet it does, but I’m not giving up. Do not give up friends no matter what you’re battling through. You’ve got this.

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11/7/16
Current: 222.0
Gain: +1

I’m not doing well at all. Emotionally I am destroyed. I’m simply going through the motions of daily life. It is what it is.