“I’m learning to love myself. It is the hardest thing I’ve ever done.”
“It’s not selfish to love yourself, take care of yourself, and to make your happiness a priority. It is necessary.”
Dang. How much do those quotes resonate with you? Those scream at me. I have them written down and sitting square on my desk where I will see them every single day. Why? Because I have to. I fail miserably at making myself a priority. Even though I give myself the pep talk each Monday morning that I’ve done the best that I can for the week, no matter what the scale tells me it’s a lie. I haven’t necessarily done the best that I could for that week because I’ve failed to put myself first.
Especially this week. As the primary care taker for my disabled mom, whew it gets stressful. I manage the finances, the household tasks (cooking, cleaning, laundry, yard maintenance, etc), set appointments, manage medications for her, not to mention that my mom no longer drives so I take her to/from appointments, the store, etc. You name it and I do it – that’s a normal week. This week I had to rush her to an eye doctor because she was starting to lose her vision in her right eye, turns out the pressure was extremely high so he prescribed some various drops to help. Ran some errands on Wednesday then she had a follow up yesterday where the pressure was still high but did come down a bit. ANOTHER followup this afternoon. Now, don’t get me wrong I appreciate the thoroughness of this eye doctor but my goodness. It’s just been a really mentally draining week for me. Obviously the stuff with my mom is stressful but I don’t know just….draining.
So yes this week I have not made myself a priority. This morning while waiting for my mom to get a chest x-ray done (part of ruling out a medical cause for the raise in eye pressure) I was sitting there and there was a massive wall size mirror to my right. I glanced over and thought, “meh.” Then I took a moment to really look at myself in the mirror. Not at the tee shirt, jeans, flip flops, or semi-brushed hair shoved back in a headband. But really look at myself. I saw one tired woman, I looked just run down, I saw the rolls that were still there, loose skin on my upper arms, and all of my ‘flaws.’ I sighed deeply, closed my eyes, then looked again. I’m an intelligent woman, I’m a child of God, I am a warrior. I will not let this mirror dictate how I feel about myself today or any other day.
Yes weight loss is a major head battle. I’ve known this for years but I am not going to an object or anyone determine my worth. Do I value how I look? Sure. Who doesn’t want to look their best. Will I likely need skin removal surgery? You betcha (I’m struggling with accepting my upper arms and all of it’s loose skin). But that doesn’t mean I’m not a strong, beautiful woman.
The point of all this is no matter what you are dealing with, whether it’s weight loss, an illness, self doubt, etc; just know that you (YES YOU) are absolutely beautiful. OH! And always, always, ALWAYS make yourself a priority!