Thirty Days – The Choice IS Yours

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addiction, days, food, God, New, people, spark, struggle, thirty, watchers, weight

It’s been a rough few days for me. It’s been extremely rough emotionally, with eating, everything. But that’s just part of life. It can’t be all sunshine and flowers everyday, we have to accept the fact that there are going to be struggles, battles, and lows – for some of us it seems never ending. I get it. I’ve been there. I struggle with things on a daily basis. I have extreme fears about a lot of things in life but on the flip side I also have faith. I’m not saying that having faith or a relationship with God is going to be a cure-all because it’s not. I WISH it was but that’s not the case. But it’s a start and sometimes that’s all we need.

So the past 4 days I’ve had some sort of crap food (fast food). I don’t know how to stop when I’m ordering and can easily (and shamefully) consume 4-6 sandwiches as well as fries. I then feel miserable, sluggish, and horribly guilty about what I’ve eaten. But it’s not like I can turn back time and undo it all. I believe last week was eating disorder week and so I took a little quiz and apparently according to that I have food addiction tendencies. Scary. I never thought of myself as an addict but at the same time it doesn’t surprise me.

What’s my plan? I’m starting over. Today is a new day so I’m making a plan. I found some amazing inspiration on Sparkpeople.com, WeightWatchers.com, I need to create a strong support group so that I have people I can turn to before running through the drive-thru then beating myself up about it. I found this picture on someone’s Sparkpeople Blog and it’s so fitting. It inspired me to really buckle down and focus on the next 30 days not the next 2 or 3 months, year, etc. Thirty Days. I’m going to focus on eating within my points range on Weight Watchers (homecooked, delicious, tasty food), getting to the gym regardless of how I am feeling that day, reading/studying the Bible consistently (oh man I’ve been slacking).

It’s 30 days, not a lifetime. Maybe the first 30 days will be revolutionary. Maybe it’s the kick in the pants I need. Perhaps breaking it up will help me. It may not be what’s right for you it might be perfect for you but hey all we can do is try. It we fall down seven times we stand up eight. We can do this. I think I’m going to print out the picture and stick in on my fridge as well as another copy on my closet door (where I have an inspirational saying board). It’ll be everywhere I look for I can stay on track for the next 30 days.

Just remember that no matter what the choice is absolutely yours. No one can do it for you. There’s no magic pill, shake, etc. that’s going to make the changes. The choice is yours.

A daily choice…

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battles, choices, color, courageous, diet, fabulous, God, gym, life, run, war, women

Not a daily battle.

For some reason I have decided to participate in my first 5k. I’m actually pretty stoked, then I drove 3.1 miles in my car and pretty much had an anxiety attack. That’s really far, especially when you’re super morbidly obese.

Yep I said it. I’m fat. I’m working on it. I joined Weight Watchers online, sometimes I feel like meetings would benefit me better but I can’t afford it. I belong to a gym. A great gym that I don’t feel judged, it’s open 24/7, yet I can’t bring myself to go. Why? Why am I struggling so much with going to the gym?!

Back to the 5k, so I decided to do The Color Run in August of this year. Yes I am absolutely terrified. I have set a small goal of not dieing. Oh and I just want to finish. I don’t care what my time is, if I walk the entire way, whatever. I just want to say I’ve done it. So I’ve got roughly 5 to 6 months to really work on shedding some more weight. I know I can do it, but I also know it means going to the gym more than once a week (if that).

It is a daily choice not a battle like Lysa says. But why is that choice so hard? Honestly, I feel incredible after I work out even if it’s only 15-20 minutes on the treadmill, I still feel great. I’m proud of myself for accomplishing it, yet when it’s time to go again I can make up every excuse and reason not to go. I need some dang accountability for myself. I’m the only one that can make me go to the gym. Maybe I need to write it in my planner or chalk it up, set my alarm and go. I know as the Fabulous Conference gets closer (fabulouswomen.tv– check it out! Come it’ll be amazing!) my time is going to be spread thin so perhaps it’s now that I need to start making these changes and really taking care of myself.

I have the eating under control (minus the pints of ice cream last week but I still counted it on my WW points and managed to come in under). Weight Watchers has really gotten me back to eating well – I mean c’mon I don’t have to count fruit or vegetables! So I really think I’m mentally set with eating better so I feel like that aspect is definitely sustainable and I’m on the right track for making wise choices. It’s that gym thing that keeps kicking me.

But it’s time to be courageous. It’s time to take care of myself, put things in God’s hands and honor the gifts He has given me. It’s time to wage a war on Satan and stop letting him control my thoughts. I am a force to be reckoned with because I am a child of God. I can do this. WE can do this.

If any of you from the Made To Crave study would like to keep in touch please don’t hesitate to reach out to me or follow me on my blog. I’ll be sure to post my journey and try to update at least once a week. We can do this.

 

Beneficial

Tags

beneficial, crave, diet, eater, emotional, God, life, made, trigger, watchers, weight, weightloss

There are so many things in life that are beneficial for us but all we really need is Christ. Doesn’t seem that complicated does it? But why oh why do we make it so dang complicated?! Human nature I suppose.

I had a rather beneficial weekend, not in terms of food (although I was on track with my Weight Watchers points). Friday was rather mundane, took a painkiller for the pinched nerve and called it a night relatively early. Saturday I texted my ex (as we have been talking again) to wish him a happy birthday, he responded and was nice…..a little too nice. So I lurked on his Facebook page to find posts from his new girlfriend. I immediately logged off Facebook and deleted him out of my phone. It was probably the most beneficial thing I could have done all weekend!

That simple task of deleting him made me decide to partake in a “color” 5k in August, create a gym schedule for the week, buy/wear red lipstick (talk about empowering!), and just really made me recommit to living life. I felt so incredibly empowered after doing it, I was on some sort of emotional high the rest of the weekend.

Know what else is beneficial? Going to the gym. I did around noon today, I didn’t want to because it felt like my head was going to explode but I got on my gym clothes, laced up my hot pink shoes and hopped onto the treadmill. I didn’t go fast or far but I did it. When I wanted to quit because my legs were burning I prayed, then attempted to hide the dance moves I was doing while listening to “Single Ladies” on my iPod (why the heck are there SO many mirrors at the gym?!?!?). Dear guy in front of me, sorry to had to be witness to my terrible Beyonce moves…actually no I’m not 🙂 I felt amazing after getting done with my workout. Tomorrow I’m hoping to add on 5 more minutes on the treadmill.

I’m trying to set small goals for myself so it doesn’t seem so daunting. First goal – not being an emotional train wreck. I know it’s easier said than done especially when you’re an emotional eater such as myself. Before I reach for those snacks or anything like that I’m going to pray. Pray for strength, clarity, and for God to shove me in the direction HE wants me to go. I’m not saying it’s going to be easy but it’s a start. I’m hoping that by not being an emotional train wreck this will chill out the emotional triggers.

I struggle with triggers. Moods, people, moments, memories it’s very overwhelming sometimes but that’s okay. Another goal of mine this week is to determine what my triggers truly are. Perhaps by identifying them I can overcome it. We’ll see how things go.