Weigh In/Down with the Sickness

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2016, bariatric, bariatrics, bariatricsurgery, battle, body, bypass, diet, diets, eating, exercise, extremeweightloss, fitness, food, gastric, gastricbypass, gym, health, healthy, healthy living, life, lifestyle, obesity, pounds, rny, rouxeny, scale, skin, surgery, weight, weightloss, weightlosscommunity, weightlossmotivation, weightlosssupport, weightlosstransformation, wlsmotivation, wlstranformation, workout, workouts

8/8/16
Current: 224.2
Loss: -5

Oh I’m totally celebrating this 5 pound loss but let me add a little caveat: I’ve been sick this week. Last Saturday I had a horrible headache in the front of my forehead, it went on for a few days. Honestly I assumed it was stress. It went away but whenever I would move my eyes I would get sharp pains into my forehead and it simply hurt to move my eyes in any direction (driving was fun). Then I developed nightly fevers. Oh for the love the stress was going to kill me at this point. I wasn’t sleeping through the night, everything I ate made me nauseous (except fresh peaches but we’re only allowed 1/4c fruit via surgeon’s instructions). I did make sure to get in 1 protein shake a day so at least I had that going for me. Otherwise I barely ate. Finally this past Saturday, a week after all this started I went to urgent care (my doctor had moved the one my insurance company assigned me to couldn’t see me until mid-September). At UC I was diagnosed with a severe sinus infection given some prescriptions and sent on my way.

The z-pack seems to be doing it’s thing pretty well, I’m only on it until Wednesday so I guess we’ll see? I was also given Allegra-D to help with things oh my gosh. I am not taking it anymore. Saturday night I got 2 hours of sleep, last night about an hour. It is causing me HORRIBLE insomnia. Nope I’m done with that. I’ll see what else I can figure out.

So yay 5 pounds lost! Boo on lack of sleep.

 

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Weigh In

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2016, bariatric, battle, body, bypass, diet, diets, eating, emotions, exercise, fitness, food, gastric, gym, health, healthy, healthy living, life, lifestyle, obesity, pounds, protein, rny, rouxeny, scale, skin, surgery, weight, weightloss, workout, workouts

6/27/16
Current: 226.4
No change

GOODBYE June!!! So my last weigh in of June has me the same as last week, which is fine I suppose. No gain which is good, no loss which is frustrating. I’m looking at July as a fresh start, not that I’m going to go crazy the next few days, but I just want a do-over. I’m so tired of hovering around 230 pounds. I’m exhausted by looking at others journeys – their cheating on their diets, not following surgeon’s rules, etc and hitting their goal weight. It is soul crushing and mentally exhausting. I don’t post in a support group I created because I’m simply not interested in hearing the BS from people. It’s not that I’m not happy seeing people succeed, because I am. But I’m just over it all so very much right now.

Hopefully July will be a better start.

Weigh In

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2016, bariatric, battle, body, bypass, determined, diet, dietician, diets, eating, exercise, fitness, food, gastric, gym, health, healthy, healthy living, life, lifestyle, obesity, pounds, rny, rouxeny, scale, skin, surgery, weight, weightloss, workout, workouts

6/6/16
Current: 223.6
Loss: -3.6

That’s pretty awesome. Was sort of lazy over the weekend although LR and I did a lot of walking yesterday through a beautiful botanical garden outside of Adrian, Michigan. It was stunning.

Tomorrow I’m starting the 5 Day Pouch Test with a good friend that also had the surgery, so hopefully there’s not a lot of hangry-ness happening! It’s going to be tough and there’s going to be challenges but I think this is the kick in the pants I need to get back to basics. I’m weening myself off of the vitamin water I drink, mainly drinking water with lemon now. Figure not only is it better for me but it’s going to save me about $35 a week in buying water.

This is a rough week and it’s only Monday. It seems if it could go wrong it has and it feels as though I’m getting piled beneath things. It is extremely frustrating. Hopefully it doesn’t affect my weigh in this coming Monday. I will be stuck eating out on Saturday since LR and I are going to the big music festival, Keloorah up at MIS. I’m SO excited!!!!

Body Image

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2016, battle, body, bodyimage, bypass, determined, diet, diets, exercise, fitness, food, gastric, gym, health, healthy, healthy living, image, life, lifestyle, obesity, pounds, rny, rouxeny, skin, surgery, weight, weightloss, workout

Body image is a strange thing. When you’re morbidly obese, most people (including myself), just wanted to be invisible so it didn’t matter how we treated our bodies, what we fueled them with, or anything like that. It was just this vessel that carted around our brain. It didn’t matter that we stuffed it full of junk, didn’t exercise, or maintain it.

Now that I’ve lost a considerable amount of weight my body image has totally changed, and not always for the better. Depending on the store, product, etc. I’m anywhere from a size 10 to a 14; which is whatever it is. I’m not content with where my current weight is at but that’s a me thing/another issue. When shopping I often still go to the largest size. I wonder if this ever changes? I can no longer shop at Lane Bryant because their size 14 is too large (not a bad problem to have) but I’ve shopped there for so long I don’t know how to shop.

It’s more than shopping though. This past Saturday LR and I went to the Columbus Zoo then to the Olentangy Indian Caverns. There was a passage at the caverns where I looked and told him I didn’t think I would fit. He tugged at my hand and said c’mon Karri. I yanked my hand away, seriously I don’t think I’m going to fit. “Babe how big do you think you are?” Huh. Did he really want me to answer or is it rhetorical? Suffice to say I survived going through the little opening.

I find myself critiquing my body quite often. LR tells me I’m beautiful, pretty, etc. I smile, say thank you but quietly in my head think about all of the excess skin I’m hiding, my flawed skin that’s underneath my makeup, things like that. Body image is just so weird.

This morning as I was laying in bed before my alarm was set to go off, I looked down at my body and thought (seriously) it looks as though my body is melting. Eww. My upper arms melting into the bed, my stomach melting into the sheets. No one tells you that after weight-loss surgery still hating and hiding your body is totally normal. Don’t get me wrong I wouldn’t change having the surgery even on my darkest days because I am SO much healthier but there are still major uphill battles.

I just keep coming back to body image is weird. It’s also not going to magically change when you lose weight.

Weigh In

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2016, bariatric, battle, body, bypass, determined, diet, diets, exercise, fitness, food, gastric, gym, health, healthy, healthy living, life, lifestyle, obesity, pounds, protein, rny, rouxeny, surgery, weight, weightloss

5/30/16
Current: 227.2
Gain: +0.4

Meh, acceptable. I haven’t been eating great so that’s all on me, I’ll take the point four gain. I’ve decided I’m enjoying the weekend (since it’s Memorial Day weekend) and then really getting back to the grind on June 1st. I think it’s totally reasonable.

Weigh In

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2016, bariatric, battle, body, bypass, choices, diet, diets, eating, exercise, fitness, food, gastric, health, healthy, healthy living, life, lifestyle, obesity, pounds, rny, rouxeny, surgery, weight, weightloss, workout

5/23/16
Current: 226.2
Loss: -3.8

Okay, back under 230, deep breath. Okay you’ve got this. I think I’m going to do the 5 day pouch test starting June 1st. I’m not sure if I’ll see any results but I figured I can hit the basics for the first five days of June. I also think I’m going to increase workouts. I’ve been walking a ton but I need to start lifting weights and getting these muscles in tip-top condition. It’s time.

Weigh In/Struggling

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2016, bariatric, battle, body, bypass, diet, diets, exercise, fitness, food, gastric, gym, health, healthy, healthy living, life, lifestyle, obesity, pounds, rny, rouxeny, surgery, weight, weightloss, workout

5/16/16
Current: 230.0
Gain: +8.2

Seriously? Eight pounds in a week. Is that even possible? Did I eat great this week? No. But EIGHT POUNDS worth of not eating great?! Blah. What a terrible way to start a Monday.

I’m super struggling in a lot of areas of my life. I’m stress eating, everything is wonky and I just don’t like how I’m feeling lately. I’m job hunting – crushing the interviews then never hearing back. I don’t feel like I have a community. I feel lost. I have $120,000 in student loan debt. I’m terrified of what is going to happen after my apprenticeship. All of this is leading me to grazing and stress eating. I feel like I can eat WAY more than I should. That scares me too.

I see all of these other people hitting their goals, making weights and I’m gaining 8 pounds in a dang week. I feel like a total failure in so many areas. Now what?

Weigh In

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2016, bariatric, battle, body, bypass, choices, determined, diet, diets, eating, emotions, exercise, fitness, food, gastric, gym, health, healthy, healthy living, life, lifestyle, obesity, pounds, protein, rny, rouxeny, surgery, weight, weightloss, workout

Catching up!
5/2/16
Current: 225.0
Loss: -1.6

5/9/16
Current: 221.8
Loss: -3.2

It’s been a pretty decent couple of weeks weight loss wise. Did a little clothes shopping I’m now wearing anything from a medium to a large and from a 10 to 14 depending on the material, cut, etc. It’s still such a strange concept.

So yesterday I have probably one of the most frustrating food days I’ve had in a super long time. LR and I were at the Tulip Festival in Holland, Michigan which offered a TON of different foods so I finally opt for a chicken fajita (Mexican is seriously my go-to food), I get it, it looks DELICIOUS, we find a place to sit down so we can enjoy our late lunch I take a bite and it’s laden with some type of sauce. Bummed does not even begin to describe it. LR eats part of it and we toss the rest. $9 for a fajita I couldn’t even enjoy. We went to Muskegon State Park after that did a lot of walking/climbing the dunes, it was such a beautiful day. Munched on some strawberries but when we were leaving I started to get a little light-headed which is my bodies code for I need legit protein food. I had some P3 protein snacks but I needed FOOD. We stopped in Grand Rapids originally at San Chez downtown but they were closed. Sigh. I picked Menna’s Joint, a place I had eaten at before and it was pretty tasty. We order. They’re out of grilled chicken. Okay fine I’ll have the grilled steak fajita. Our orders come and it is beyond spicy. Are. you. freaking. kidding. me?

We get in the car and start making our way back to Ohio, I get off at the Ionia exit because there’s an Arby’s there (not the best choice I know but I can dissect their sliders and have a pretty filling meal). However, I forgot that the actual town is 5 miles off off the highway so screw that I get back onto the highway. Tears start streaming down my face. I am hungry. I am frustrated. I just need to eat some damned food!

I think it was probably around Portland Michigan where I got some food and finally felt like a fully functioning person again. But it was so incredibly frustrating. Ugh. So even at over a year out food frustrations still happen, emotions get wonky, and tears happen. It’s a good thing that LR is used to my ugly cry lol.

 

Weigh In

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2016, bariatric, battle, body, bypass, determined, diet, exercise, fitness, gastric, health, healthy, healthy living, life, lifestyle, pounds, rny, rouxeny, surgery, weight, weightloss

4/25/16
Current: 226.6
Gain: +2.6

GAAAH!!!! This yo-yoing is driving me insane. Seriously. I need to refocus and get back to business. I just want to hit 199. I just want to see a one in front of all the other numbers. I can do this. I will do this.

More cooking at home, less eating out. More packing meals, less eating out. See a trend? More measuring not guessing.

Goal – Lose 27.6 pounds.

Down to business friends.

Weigh In

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2016, bariatric, battle, body, bypass, determined, diet, emotions, exercise, fitness, gastric, health, healthy, healthy living, life, lifestyle, loss, pounds, rny, rouxeny, surgery, walking, weight, weightloss

4/18/16
Current: 224.0
Loss: -5.2

I don’t even know how that happened. I didn’t watch what I ate over the weekend, I ate candy, among other non-healthy items. I think my saving grace was all of the walking we did this weekend. It was the perfect weekend to get away too.

Unfortunately I am not in Boston like I had planned to be. It sucks, I’m hurt by the whole situation but there’s really nothing I can do about it. But it definitely made an impact on everything.