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At one point in our lives we have all been there, walked into a room full of people and felt completely, perhaps even painfully, invisible. You look around the room, see people immersed in conversations laughing, smiling, genuinely enjoying the moment that they are currently in. You can hear laughter, clinking of classes, various bits of conversations from around the room. You smell the food wafting through the air, people’s perfumes/colognes, and an overall sense of the room.

But you stand there, feeling totally invisible. You smile when eyes seemingly brush over you but that’s all that happens, numerous eyes glancing over you not really acknowledging your presence or even that you’re a human. It hurts. It is painful. It is soul crushing.

When things like this happen it affects your entire demeanor, it affects your social skills, personality, and more. It causes you to look around a room as soon as you walk in it, thinking “I’m the biggest person in this room, no one is going to want to talk/get to know me.” So you hide in the back or by the food (because let’s face it that’s where everyone expects the fat person to hang out) until the necessary social protocol time-frame as been met and you slink out hurt, wondering why, and possibly even crying.

This experience has happened to me more times than I can count, especially when I was nearly 400 pounds. Sometimes I still feel invisible, even in a room full of people. I’m not sure if that will ever change. But I’m aware of it, doesn’t make it any easier to deal with.

In happier news, I attended a wedding/reception on Friday. It was beautiful. I got a talking to from my boss the day before about actually taking a day of rest (I really suck at that) and it was determined that if I didn’t I was looking towards major meltdown within 6 months. So Friday afternoon I booked myself a makeup lesson at Sephora, spent entirely too much money on myself and LOVED it! My makeup looked beautiful for the wedding and I was so excited to celebrate with friends. It was all-in-all a great day and I felt beautiful for the first time in a really long time.

Tomorrow is weigh in, I don’t know what it’s going to bring especially since my monthly friend has finally decided to make an appearance after a 6 month hiatus. But I’m going to plug along, I still have goals that I want to meet/crush.