bariatric, body, bypass, communication, compliments, dating, diet, diets, exercise, fitness, gastric, health, healthy, healthy living, life, lifestyle, pounds, rny, rouxeny, single, surgery, weight, weightloss
Compliments are weird. Dating is even weirder.
Did you ever feel that when you were (or are) at a higher weight that compliments always seem to come with something attached to them? Whether it is something the other person wants/desires/needs or even like a back-handed compliment – wow you have such a pretty face…uh thank you? At my heavier weight I would walk into the room, look around, and think wow I’m the biggest person in here then immediately decide that no one in there would want to talk to me because I was the fattest there. Oh gosh then dating, when I would be out with someone I would feel like everyone was looking at us thinking – why is such a handsome guy out with that whale?!
Now that I’ve lost a considerable amount of weight resulting in being a smaller size, compliments are totally foreign to me. Ever since getting my teeth fixed a couple of years ago I get a lot of compliments on my smile, which I graciously accept and it always made me feel pretty good. Now people compliment how I look, that I’m pretty, etc. What the crap? I always ALWAYS say thank you, I mean c’mon I’m not ungrateful. But it seems as though I’m always waiting for that other ball to drop – the want from the other person. You’re really pretty, can you help me with blah blah blah? That’s a fantastic outfit – I’d love to see it off of you (oh yes I’ve had this said to me before). I had an author tell me the other night that I looked fabulously fierce, I smiled said thank you and waited for the backhanded compliment like – for a big girl, etc. The other night I had an amazing date. No seriously AH-MAZ-ING! We went to dinner, then a walk along the river, to a movie, then sat in his car and chatted. He looked me in the eyes, “You are beautiful and do not let anyone EVER tell you different.” If it wasn’t our first date I may have cried. Maybe it was a line, maybe he just wanted in my pants, but maybe, just maybe it was genuine. Compliments are just so strange to me, it’s something I wonder if I’ll ever be able to move past.
Dating as a “big girl” is so insanely stressful, although I’m sure dating as a “regular” sized person is as well. But it seems that guys who want to go out with a bigger girl almost always expect something out of the date…yep you know what I’m talking about. It’s like all guys figure that heavier girls have terrible self-worth and we need to be validated via sex/sexual acts by attractive men. Sure that’s the case for many of us, I definitely went through a season of life where I found my self worth in other people – no I didn’t whore around or anything like that (no offense to those of you that do). Like I stated earlier, when out with a handsome guy I felt like my date and I were always judged – why is he with her?!
Now that I’m dating at more “regular” size I still find those doubts creeping in. Back to my date earlier this week, he is so very handsome, holds doors, pulls out chairs, pays for everything (and sort of looked offended when I offered), and held my hand whenever we were walking together. When we walked into the movie theater (now keep in mind I haven’t been to a movie theater since the first Jackass movie came out circa 2002 – I kid you not – 13 years) we walked up to the ticketing kiosk hand in hand and some young women walked up to the one next to us and it felt like daggers were being tossed at me via their looks. Why do women do that to each other?! Why can’t we just be happy that someone from our gender found someone nice to see a dang movie with?!
So dating in all of it’s weirdness I guess I’m just going to keep plugging along with it. It’s all we can really do, right?
Compliments are so weird and dating, ugh dating is so much weirder.