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Not a daily battle.

For some reason I have decided to participate in my first 5k. I’m actually pretty stoked, then I drove 3.1 miles in my car and pretty much had an anxiety attack. That’s really far, especially when you’re super morbidly obese.

Yep I said it. I’m fat. I’m working on it. I joined Weight Watchers online, sometimes I feel like meetings would benefit me better but I can’t afford it. I belong to a gym. A great gym that I don’t feel judged, it’s open 24/7, yet I can’t bring myself to go. Why? Why am I struggling so much with going to the gym?!

Back to the 5k, so I decided to do The Color Run in August of this year. Yes I am absolutely terrified. I have set a small goal of not dieing. Oh and I just want to finish. I don’t care what my time is, if I walk the entire way, whatever. I just want to say I’ve done it. So I’ve got roughly 5 to 6 months to really work on shedding some more weight. I know I can do it, but I also know it means going to the gym more than once a week (if that).

It is a daily choice not a battle like Lysa says. But why is that choice so hard? Honestly, I feel incredible after I work out even if it’s only 15-20 minutes on the treadmill, I still feel great. I’m proud of myself for accomplishing it, yet when it’s time to go again I can make up every excuse and reason not to go. I need some dang accountability for myself. I’m the only one that can make me go to the gym. Maybe I need to write it in my planner or chalk it up, set my alarm and go. I know as the Fabulous Conference gets closer (fabulouswomen.tv– check it out! Come it’ll be amazing!) my time is going to be spread thin so perhaps it’s now that I need to start making these changes and really taking care of myself.

I have the eating under control (minus the pints of ice cream last week but I still counted it on my WW points and managed to come in under). Weight Watchers has really gotten me back to eating well – I mean c’mon I don’t have to count fruit or vegetables! So I really think I’m mentally set with eating better so I feel like that aspect is definitely sustainable and I’m on the right track for making wise choices. It’s that gym thing that keeps kicking me.

But it’s time to be courageous. It’s time to take care of myself, put things in God’s hands and honor the gifts He has given me. It’s time to wage a war on Satan and stop letting him control my thoughts. I am a force to be reckoned with because I am a child of God. I can do this. WE can do this.

If any of you from the Made To Crave study would like to keep in touch please don’t hesitate to reach out to me or follow me on my blog. I’ll be sure to post my journey and try to update at least once a week. We can do this.